Simplification

Minsgame Complete

by Em Are · Oct 3, 2016

The game is over. Time to take a step back and see how it all turned out. (Actually, it ended August 31 and this post languished in my ‘drafts’ folder for a month! Stuff happens. We move on.)

First, I want to point out that the sheer act of removing almost 1000 “things” from your home in 31 days is liberating. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your perspective, it doesn’t result in a spartan residence. Instead it left me with a strong sense of accomplishment.

I set a goal to do this, with my wife, and we did it. We finished an entire month of the #MINSGAME. If you missed our startup of this little game, you can read all about it here.

Our Instagram feeds are now stuffed with pictures of stuff that we no longer have. Well, I need to be completely honest on that point. We do still have some of the stuff, however, its in a box or a pile that has to be transported to either the local Habitat For Humanity ReStore, or taken to our neighborhood Thrift Shop.

N.B. As of publication of this post, all of the stuff really has left our abode.

Someday I’ll include an inventory of what has moved on, but suffice it to say we have a lot less stuff that hasn’t been touched in 5+ years.

I say that the process left me with a sense of accomplishment. True, but during the month, I will say that I did experience periods of elevated stress. Primarily toward the later half of the month when each day meant identfying 20, 21, or even 25 separate things to get rid of. With two of us doing it we had to make sure we didn’t overlap.

And then the inevitable “You’re getting rid of that?!
I can use that for . . . <insert future potential project idea here>”.

We worked through it. Much of the give and take we’ve been practicing the last few years. If something new comes into the house, then the same number of somethings old must leave the house. So it went with our #minsgame items. If I longed for one of the items in Carol’s pile on any given day, I had to replace it with something from my pile, which means I then had to find something else to add to my pile.

Fair is fair – even in #minsgame.

The stress was mostly self imposed – after all, isn’t most stress self-imposed? – and a daily conversation with myself about purpose and goals helped me settle down and get back in the rhythm of decluttering.

It’s kind of ironic that I am nearing the end of a web development project for a client in NYC offering lifestyle coaching and personal decluttering. As I begin to add more of her actual content to the website, I find myself reading her words and getting caught up in the mindset of cleansing – not so much from a body perspective, but more from a personal environment point of view.

Experience a cleansing of your personal space and reduce the stress associated with too much stuff. After all, how many times do I need to walk past that laptop shipping box from 2010 sitting in my office before I just put it in the paper recycling bin. Too many times; but no more. It’s gone, and with it the daily “I really don’t need to keep that box, do I?” question. There, one extraneous bit of self-doubt and internal judgement gone. Thank you #minsgame #day25.

Truth be told, I would do it again. Probably wait until after the first of the year though; I have enough going on right now.

But . . . the Christmas season is approaching. Do you think there’s anything we can get rid of in 27 years of accumulated Christmas decorations 😉

Let The Games Begin

by Em Are · Aug 2, 2016

No, not the Olympic Games. The Minimalist Games! A different type of game, where you win even if you don’t come in first.

The brainchild of The Minimalists – Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus – this exercise in jettisoning excess stuff is just what I need at this point in my quest for living a more meaningful and stress-free life. Carol and I are doing this together, so that means by the end of the month, together, we will have reduced our possessions by almost 1,000 items. ^{*Show my work.} That sounds incredible!

As I write this we are on day two of #MinsGame. Carol has already done away with her two items for today – a pair of unworn and forgotten shoes (not quite sure if that should count as one pair or two shoes, but I’m trying to check my severe anal-retentiveness at the door for this). We both did our due diligence yesterday, day 1.

Matt

Carol

If you are so inclined, follow along as we try to regularly record our progress on Instagram.

I have been dancing around the edges of a more simplistic lifestyle for a while now, partially out of necessity, but more out of a desire to better appreciate things around me. The book, Essentialism – The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, by Greg McKeown, which I first read back in early 2014, got me hooked on the path to create a lifestyle of intention, focus, and purpose; devoid of excessive noise, stress inducing clutter and disruptive distraction.

As a solopreneur, by definition I work by myself, and full expect to remain so. I do interact with clients via calls, both voice and video, and lots of email. Since my clients are global (yes, I can say that now), I don’t do much in the way of face to face meetings. Regular monthly WordPress and Computer Society meetups keep me in touch with the human side of being a remote website developer. Without commuting and less meetings there’s more time to spend in the office. I need to find ways to decompress when its time to move away from the keyboard.

My wife and I are empty-nesters, our youngest having moved out about 17 months ago, so simplifying things is high priority. I really want to be able to enjoy this new stage of life. Simple life, reduced stress, more quality time, time to learn new things – I think this is a good point to find these things.

We had a yard sale about a month ago. It was wildly successful and enabled us to stuff our “minimalism fund jar” with lots of cash (mostly $1s, but hey, every dollar counts). More importantly, we were able to move physical “stuff” out of our house and onto others who could love it and re-purpose it for a new use. I don’t want to fill up my local landfill with my past, but rather move it along its life-cycle.

Our stuff has had a purpose here, in our house, and now its time for a new purpose, with someone else.

Many of the books I’ve read and bloggers I follow talk about surrounding yourself only with things that bring you joy – whether they be new things, or well used things – they should make you happy to see them, or at the very least, not bring about pangs of “I need to do something with that thing”.

Reduce the clutter and reduce the stress. That’s our goal. By the end of this month, if all goes as planned and we fully participate in our 31-day #MinsGame, the clutter will be reduced by 992 clutter-contributors. I’ll be real happy with that.

Gotta start somewhere …

Work Shown

1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9+10+11+12+13+14+15+16+17+
18+19+20+21+22+23+24+25+26+27+28+29+30+31 =

496 things * 2 people = 992 clutter causers => approx 1,000 items outta here!

Like Clouds in the Sky

by Em Are · Mar 15, 2016

I hit a milestone today. 400 meditation sessions using the Calm app on my iPhone. Not too bad if I do say. That’s over a period of about 20 months or so.

The results?

More patience
Less stress when confronted with, let’s say, life’s frequent challenges
Greater sense of what’s going on around me
Being aware of today; less consumed with tomorrow

These are all good things for me, my family, and my business.

Having the ability of being able to take a step back a bit and breathe usually allows me to insert just enough time between ‘hear’ and ‘react’. That can make all the difference. Not that I was a knee-jerk reactionist before, but as a small business owner I’ve learned that I need to put time between when I first learn of a situation and how I respond to it.

I’m a solo-preneur. I work alone. Many days I have no direct interaction with client and other human beings outside of email and online chats. [Yes, please pity my wife for she gets the brunt of my cooped up desire for person-to-person interaction when she gets home from work most days.] In that environment, I find myself slipping into too much of an inwardly focused reaction template. Meditation has helped me by looking into myself and seeing what is most important. I must be present to what I am exposed to, while at the same time being aware of what the other person is being exposed to.

Meditation is good for my business. Through meditation I have learned to step back, add space and better understand the how’s and why’s of the situation presented to me.

Clients come from every possible perspective, I can see that. I’ve not been in business all that long, but I’m seeing new things every day. It’s all in how I react, how I embrace their needs, and most importantly, how I respond to them.

The more empathy in my response, the more likely that everyone will see the interaction as a successful one. One in which everyone’s concerns are heard, and appropriately responded to. I think that is the crux of small business. Approaching each and every situation in a personal, human manner. Let go of the corporate image, the crafted branding. Respond humanly.

One of the suggestions offered during the guided meditation I use is to “…let outside thoughts float by like clouds in the sky…”.

I find this suggestion helpful throughout the day to stay focused on what is truly important. Try it. Meditation may be just what your business consultant forgot to tell you.

_{Photo Credit: Logan Gorman}

I’m In The Right Place

by Em Are · Dec 23, 2015

I celebrated my birthday yesterday. Another one in the books. It was different somehow. Working as a freelancer, from a home office, gives me plenty of opportunity for quiet reflection, especially at this time of year when business activity seems to slow.

The development projects were all caught up, support issues had been dealt with for the moment, so I had time to read a few of the blogs I follow. There were a number of year-end wrap ups, and a few really good how-to posts. The year-end wraps caught most of my attention. You see, I am coming to the end of my first year as a full-time WordPress developer and small business owner.

In previous years I was able to look back and see how things went as a part-time freelancer. Those two years are marked with an asterisk (*), you know, the indicator to check the footnotes. They had some other form of income, either from a part-time job, or most recently, from another full-time gig that ended abruptly with the Friday-end-of-day-can-you-stop-in-my-office-before-you-leave-im. “We’ve decided to go in a different direction….”. Oh, please, spare me the BS!

While the income as a freelance business owner has no-way come close to the income I earned in corporate America, the intangible benefits have far exceeded my expectations.

Visited my doctor this past week for my 6-month check-in. Blood pressure and that bad cholesterol stuff are both way down. First time in more than 7 years. Now THAT’s an accomplishment to be proud of. I think I can count that as some sort of money in the bank, right?

I categorize that as a symbol of one of the soft benefits of my new chapter. I’m more relaxed, I think, and I have slowed down. I like to think that decisions I make are more thought out and less knee-jerk. I’ve learned to step back from potentially tense situations (aka questionable communications with clients, friends, family) to add space for thinking.

I can’t control how things will turn out. I can’t change things that have occurred. I CAN affect how I react to things right now. I can live in this moment and be present to what I am experiencing and how I react to it.

After all, isn’t that what it’s all about? Being present to the situation we find ourselves in, engaging with it, and making the next right decision on how to proceed with it.

I’m going through the process of looking back on my business year. I think that I have positively impacted a number of small businesses by building new business websites for them, or helping them to maintain their existing small business website. Revenue has definitely increased from the previous year; albeit a little short of where I had projected. Time to re-think marketing and prospecting activities.

I have met a number of awesome people this past year. Some I have been able to teach something to, but many more I have been able to learn from. I attended 5 WordCamps and 12 WordPress meetups. I made presentations three times at meetups and volunteered at the Philly WordCamp. Being the’local guy’ I even helped coordinate a multi-national gathering of #genesiswp folks at the inaugural WordCamp US in Philadelphia earlier this month. Now THAT was cool.

So, as long as I’m willing and able to learn something new, I think I’m in the right place. This place, this moment, right now.

Onward and upward.

I Found Some Peace

by Em Are · Dec 16, 2015

It’s December. It’s Christmas-time. It’s crazy-time. It’s year-end. It’s “i-need-this-today” time.

I get that. I surprised myself. I found peace and comfort within the last 12 hours.

My wife and I made cookies last night. First time in I can’t remember how long that we did that. Have we ever in our 25+ years of marriage? Don’t know. But we did last night. Four, count ’em, 4 different kinds. Just her and I, in the kitchen, for a couple of hours.

Man, it was cool.

And the result? Lots of goodies to try. Sure, some of them didn’t come out quite right. What do expect when you put the two of us in the kitchen together to do one of HER favorite things? I posted a pic of the goodies to our family Google+ hangout. (Believe me, that’s the only way two empty-nesters can stay in touch with two adult sons anymore.)

Their responses to the pic were priceless.

Son #1:

Ok now I’m jealous.

Son #2:

Oh boy…I might have to stop by in the mornin”.

I chuckled to myself this morning while I was sitting at the kitchen counter eating my breakfast and I heard a key in the back door. Son #2 “stopped by to say ‘hi'”. He grabbed some cookies. We had a few minutes of quality conversation and he was off.

I had turned on the lights of the Christmas tree to show Son #2 how good a job his mother had done on the tree this past weekend. After he left, I sat and stared at the tree for a bit. It was simple. One of the simplest ones we have had in a long, long time. Memories of my wife’s mother covered the tree. Good memories.

Man, what a calm feeling.

As I walked to my office this morning (not much effort, only about 75 feet down the driveway), I thought to myself that I had really experienced some wonderful feelings of peace over the past 12 hours.

Not a bad start for December 16.

How do you define Peace?

by Em Are · Dec 8, 2014

I’ve taken up the practice of mediation lately. Yes, “practice” is the right word here, since I’m finding it quite the challenge to do it. Sometimes when I get down to it I just can’t keep my mind focused, or empty of thoughts, or quiet – however its supposed to be described. On Friday morning I was doing okay. It was early. I was warm, sitting in the living room in my favorite spot, no coffee yet (really early) and I’m listening to a guided meditation on my iPhone headphones (I use the Calm app) and all of a sudden I get a feeling that some pinpricks are finding their way into my lap. It’s that damn cat again, interrupting my calmness to knead my lap into something comfortable for her. Oh well, there goes this morning’s experience. Might as well wait until she is comfortable so I can continue. Why am I going on here? What about the definition of peace? I’m getting there. Bear with me.

One of my mediation practices is to participate in an adult education forum at my church. The theme this month is advent and the topic yesterday was Peace, it being the second Sunday of Advent. Our leader began the session by reading off a list of definitions she had found for the word ‘Peace ‘. Take a look.

…freedom from disturbance (i.e. not having a cat on your lap)
…quiet & tranquility
…freedom from, or the cessation of, war or violence
…a state of security or order within a community
…harmonious relations
…a stress-free state of security and calmness
…to be complete; to be whole; to be sound
…wholeness of life and body
…harmony between two parties or people, often established as a covenant
…a blessing – in greeting & farewells meaning “may your life be filled with health, prosperity and victory” or “I hope you have all the highest good coming your way”
…a state in which a person is not bothered by thought or feeling of doubt, guilt or worry
…a state in which people do not argue or cause trouble

Quite a few definitions. Our small group had a good discussion about our own definitions of peace, and then we were led on a short 15 minute journey via a guided meditation to find that place within ourselves where we find peace and safety.

Our discussion, and re-reading over the list, opened my eyes to new opportunities for peace in my own life. I realize that my daily practicing of meditation is helping me to find that peaceful state within me, but even more profound, is that it is enabling me to find peace in others, in how they interact with me, with the community, with other stresses in their lives.

It is helping me in my business, understanding the differences in priorities each of us has. Time-frames are very personal – priorities are personal – achievement of a state of peacefulness is very personal. By being able to see peace in others, I have found it easier to maintain that sense within myself. What better time of year to find peace, than during the Christmas season.

Back to the title of the post. How do you define peace? Do you find it easier to come across this time of year? Does one of the 12 defs above work for you more than the others? Or perhaps you have another definition to add to the list. Let me know your thoughts below.

Thanks for sticking with me today.

Peace. Shalom. Aloha.